Puleeze . . . don't tell me what not to wear

I hate reality shows. I may be narrow minded, set in my ways, or much to sensitive for my own good, but if one of my friends or family ever nominated me for TLC's What Not to Wear they would cease being a friend or relative of mine at that very moment.

I don't think I have ever worn a thing in my life simply because it was "in style." I may buy something that is a new fad, but not just for the sake of it being a fad. It has to be something I really like. When I find something I really like it's mine for life. Three things that I will never part with are palazzo pants, black eyeliner and big, big, hair. Of course most of my fashion statement comes out of the 60s and it's just part of who I am.

Take Palazzo pants. I've been wearing them for 25 years (not the same pair). You can gain or lose fifty pounds in palazzo pants and no one will ever know the difference. Besides, they are so me, wider at the bottom than at the top. That's why I wear the big hair, to balance things out. Then you even it all out with the heavy eye makeup which draws the attention away from the big hair and floppy pants. See, I know about this stuff. I could have my own show.

So, Stacy and Clinton from What Not to Wear would really have a coronary if they visited my closet. One side of the closet consists of six pairs of black palazzo pants. The WNTW team would not approve of my color coordinates. Hanging on the other side of my closet you will find a jillion black tops to match the pants. This is what I have to say about black. It is a color for all seasons, and it goes with anything. Especially more black.

As bad as I hate it, I have to confess, I do watch What Not to Wear. I sit there week after week and watch Stacy and Clinton, these two fashion icons, ruin people by changing them into something they "should be" instead of the person they are. They break people down and supposedly build them back up. They've thrown enough clothes in the trash to warm every unclothed body in all of the third world countries put together. You probably have gathered by now that I am not a Stacy and Clinton fan.

However, I do like Nick (the hairstylist) and Carmindy (the makeup artist). Only because they have sweet personalities. Never trust a hairstylist that smiles while holding a pair of scissors in his hand. If nick was styling a person with a half inch Mohegan he'd have to trim a fourth of an inch off to get rid of the "dead ends." And Carmindy, God love her cute little self, thinks playing up the eyes is dusting the lids with pale rose shadow and dotting between the lashes to make them look longer. I've never seen her do much with wrinkles around the eyes and that's really what would interest me. Not that you can see my crow's feet because of course I cover them up with black eyeliner. Carmindy is young. She'll learn.

The kicker on WNTW, just in case you are not familiar with the program is, how should I say this, "the victim" has to give up everything in their closet in exchange for a $5000 credit card to buy a new wardrobe. I am waiting for the right person to just flatly tell this duo who dress in haute couture (while they encourage everyone else to buy off the rack) to take a hike. Five thousand dollars would not replace the clothes in my closet, each item is there because "I" like it.

In regards to style in general, my clothes, makeup, and hair have pretty much looked the same for forty years. The only drawback to this is ever now and then I try to visualize what I will look like in twenty more years, perhaps a resident of the local nursing home, cruising down the aisle in my wheelchair with palazzo pants flapping in the wind, big, big, hair, and heavy eye makeup. To counteract this thought I usually try to visualize what the current generation with their body piercing and tattoos are going to look like in the same scenario. That pretty much takes away any concerns I might have for how I'll look.