Vacation is in the eye of the beholder

Okay, here's my idea of the perfect vacation. Four days, three nights, in a five star hotel, top floor. Has to be a corner suite to give you two views, one of the water (I don't care if it's ocean, river, or lake) to enjoy during the day, and a view of the city lights to enjoy at night.

Pack only the necessities. Four long, oversized T-shirts in various colors and four pairs of matching sweat socks. Laptop, cell phone, two cases of diet Dr. Pepper, a walkman with enough 60s CDs to play 24/7, and the latest anti conservative political best seller. I might rent every movie on DVD that Richard Gere ever made and take those along, too. If I could afford the above, I could afford to have a Gazelle delivered (the exercise machine, not to be confused with the four legged kind), because I would have to have some type of daily exercise besides typing, reading, and calling room service. So, there's my dream vacation.

What brought all this on, thinking about my dream vacation, was an e-mail from my friend Carole a few weeks back when she was in the middle of a mini-vacation that she had been looking forward to for weeks. Carole e-mailed, "We kayaked about seven miles on the Missouri River today, hiked through a cave, and swam around a sand bar, then biked seven miles home. Also, hiked to the top of a bluff and walked around town." Now stop me if I'm wrong, but didn't we see this episode on Survivor?

My problem is my husband doesn't share my idea of a good vacation, and never has. Years ago I had to fight both spouse and son to even take a vacation. If you have never spent three days in St. Louis with two miserable males bored out of their gourd you haven't lived. The spouse couldn't wait to get back to his own remote, pick-up and birddog and the son couldn't wait to get back to his Nintendo and friends. My husband kept muttering something about getting even. I ignored them both. I had a great time. Didn't have to cook, make beds, or clean the bathroom for three whole days! While the men watched TV, I sat at the little desk in the hotel room and wrote friends and family using every piece of stationery in the drawer, along with the ten postcards for a dollar I bought in the lobby. Boy, I thought we were vacationing big time. Beat every single card and letter I wrote back home.

Thinking about all of this, I just asked my better half what his dream vacation would be. He didn't even have to think twice. He said "I'd like to visit Mount Rainier again. It's so beautiful and peaceful there." "Mt. Rainier? Mt. Rainier! My gosh, Mt. Rainier is an active volcano encased in over 35 square miles of snow and ice!" I gasped. "Why would you want to go somewhere and freeze to death in an altitude where you can hardly breathe?" I said. "I don't think I could ever enjoy a vacation like that."

I don't like the look that just came across my husband's face.